LifeStyle of Friday, 8 January 2021
Two people sought to caution me about the relationship between my husband and one lady in the church called Cynthia. The first person called one afternoon after church and said, “What I see between your husband and Cynthia isn’t just friendship. There’s more to it than meet the eye.” I asked her, “What have you seen? Please tell me about it.” She answered, “I don’t have to tell you what I’ve seen. You also have to see it for yourself and make your own judgment.” The other person was a guy who was also in the singing group. Apparently, he had eyes for Cynthia but Cynthia didn’t look his way once. Until he too came to the conclusion that it was because of my husband. He came with a question; “Are you sure Willie and Cynthia are just friends?”
I started looking at the way the two behave around each other, especially how Cynthia looks at me whenever I’m around my husband. She didn’t feel comfortable. The two of them could be standing there laughing but immediately she sees me, the laughter will suddenly dry up from her lips. I asked myself, “So how many people in this church know about this and are talking about it secretly?” “Are people laughing at me behind my back because of what they think my husband is doing?”
I needed to take action. The first thing I did was to wait for my husband and go home with him after every church service. It wasn’t easy. He played the keyboard and after each service, he had to meet with the choir and also attend youth meetings before coming home. I couldn’t join the choir. I didn’t have the voice to do so but because of him, I decided to be part of the youth association. That didn’t bring any changes. Those who saw them continued believing there was something going on, especially the members of the choir.
I started going through his phone. There was nothing to be found there. His messages were almost empty and his Whatsapp chat history had only four chats there. That gave me a huge red flag. I see him often on his phone chatting and smiling at something but in the night when he sleeps and snoop on his phone, there would be nothing left to see. It was becoming very difficult to find anything out so I decided to talk about it with him.
“Willie, why do people think you have something going on with Cynthia?”
“People? Who are those people and what have you heard?”
“Just answer my question. Do you have anything to do with Cynthia?”
“For you to ask me this question shows that you believe in gossip than you believe in the man you’ve spent five years with. I don’t have anything to say. Continue believing in the gossips.”
“I believe you. That’s why I want to hear your side of teh story. What you say is the truth and I want to hear it. Is there anything I should worry about?”
He got angry and stormed out of the conversation. For a whole week, he showed me an attitude. He wouldn’t talk to me and he wouldn’t respond to my conversations so one evening, I apologized to him. I said I was sorry for believing in what others were saying and he should forgive my ignorance. “It won’t happen again, Willie. It would never happen again.” It was after the apology that I started seeing some changes in his attitude. Things came back to normal and we continued our love the best way we could. It didn’t mean I was going to stay quiet without probing. Without looking around for signs of their relationship. I would have failed to be a woman if I let that slide.
I continued going through his phone secretly. Obviously, he deleted all conversations. I didn’t understand why his latest message could be the message I sent to him about two weeks ago. “Does that mean he doesn’t chat with anyone on his contact?” Cheating men think they are smart but they go around leaving traces of their sins everywhere. A man of my husband’s caliber could go around without chatting with anyone except me and other few friends and families? That is not possible.
So I started the second phase of my probe. It was dangerous but I was ready to go all out to find out the truth for myself. I bought a new sim and put it on my phone. One night while he was sleeping, I picked his phone, blocked Cynthia’s contact and deleted it. I saved my new contact on his phone, the same way he had saved Cynthia’s number—“Cee.” The next day when he went to work, I started chatting with him as Cynthia. That’s when the truth came out;
“Are we fighting? Why would you give me dry hello like that?”
“I’m being careful, just in case she reads your messages.”
“I told you I delete my messages. Even call logs. There’s nothing to fear.”
“Sometimes I’m scared she’ll find out. The way people are talking about us.”
“She won’t find out. Unless you tell her yourself (laughing emoji).”
“Anyway…I miss you.”
“What do you miss, tell me. (smiling emoji)”
“The kiss or the…(winking emoji)
He called later in the day. I didn’t pick. He called like four times and I didn’t pick. He sent a message, “Please call back, we need to talk about something.” In the night when I was in the bedroom sleeping and he was at the hall watching TV, He sent a message, “Are you ok? You’re making me worried.” I didn’t respond. I’ve gotten what I needed. When he came to the bedroom to sleep, you could sense he was worried. He struggled in bed for several hours before sleeping. Deep at dawn, I heard him snoring lightly. That was when I got up, picked up his phone, and put things right.
What happened between him and Cynthia the following day, I don’t know. But I can imagine chaos between them. I can imaging my husband asking her why she didn’t pick his call all day. I can imagine Cynthia defending herself that she didn’t see any missed call. My husband came home that night with a worried face. He didn’t say much and I didn’t ask much. We slept and the next day was a Sunday.
After church service that day, I called Cynthia on the side and told her everything. “I’m not here to vilify or fight you. I’m only telling you that I know what you’re doing with my husband. If it keeps going on, I’ll have no option but to call both of you in front of the pastor.” She was stunned. For several minutes she struggled to pick her words. I told her not to worry. I walked away. My husband saw the two of us talking and I knew she was going to ask her what we were talking about.
After several days of living together like rivals, he finally was ready to talk about the whole incidence. He said, “I know what you did and I regret everything that happened. It won’t happen again.” I asked him, “What happened? What are you talking about?” All my life I’d never seen my husband sober and humble like that. I told him, “If you want me to trust you, you’re going to work for it for the rest of your life. I’m not going to give it to you on a platter. I did once but no more.”
Has he been a good man since that day? He was always a good man to me. Maybe that’s why I forgave him that easily. He’s been a better man but I don’t trust him as I used to and I don’t think there would come a day where I can stand somewhere and say I trust my husband. I’ve learned to live with him on a compromise and so far so good but to trust him? Never!